8 means f8
by tayrulez
Summary: an explosion then everything's all screwy and no one is who they should be - DISCONTINUED INDEFINETLY


**The fanfiction has been brought to you in part of JK Rowling (for the characters and settings) and tayrulez (for the rest of this)… and by viewers like you. Thank you.**

Snape's potions class is packing up. Neville hadn't blown anything up. The Golden Trio hadn't had any altercations with Draco or his cronies. There had been no distractions. Two points were given to Slytherin. No points were extracted from Gryffindor. It had been a pretty uneventful day. However, Neville hadn't scrubbed everything out of his cauldron and left with a small green fungus at the bottom.

His potions class was second to last for most students. Draco and Hermione had divination next. A small argument between them – started by Zabini – grew into such a ruckus, both landed a detention. Ron had muggle history with a very bored Harry and a skeptical Cedric. Harry falls asleep through the lecture, a second year makes a lewd comment and Cedric snaps back. A first year taunts back quietly and Ron leaps up. His outburst brings himself plus Cedric and Harry to the floor. They have detention. Pansy and Luna are in with Trelawny. Luna goes overboard with a prediction, leading to a fight between her and the Slytherin girl. After overcoming the intial shock, Trelawny assigns both girls a detention.

Snape stares back at eight students in his potions classroom. Luna is hanging upside-down from a back desk, making fish faces at Pansy. Pansy is staring at Ron. Cedric and Hermione are working on their homework. Harry and Draco are glaring at each other, trying to kill each other with their eyes… or something of that nature. Ron is trying to figure out what is making a ticking noise. Irritated, Snape doesn't leave yet because he hears the sound as well.

The ticking gets louder; the bookworms stop and join the search. Luna and Pansy join as well. A bubbling sound accompanies the ticking, louder and now much slower. Draco and Harry finally break away and let their eyes carefully wander over the classroom. Their eyes stop at Neville's cauldron on the other side of the room. The boys silently walk over, drawing the attention of everyone else in the room. Snape's eyes widen but everyone is to still in shock and confusion.

"Sweet mother of pearl…"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Ron is the first to awaken. It takes him a moment to see things clear. Then he realizes there are glasses atop his head. He pulls them down across the bridge of his nose and sees that he is in the nurse's wing, chained still. He tries to get a look at anything about himself. There are no stains on his robes… though al least they are still his robes. He shakes his head and flops back down, realizing his hair has grown a bit longer and, not, red.

Pansy stirs behind the curtain. The first thing she notices is she is wearing Hugglepuff robes. Groaning inwardly, she tries to sit up. Instead, she starts to wonder where her hair has gone…

Next is Harry. Across the hall, he is thankful he is still wearing his robes but is confused that he can see without his glasses. Wait, these aren't _his_ robes. They are Slytherin robes. He reaches up to his scar but draws back quickly when he cannot find a thing.

Cedric. His Hugglepuff clothes have been switched with Ravenclaw robes. From the Girls' section. Strangely, they fit him nicely. His hair has gotten longer… and blonder.

Snape. He clutches his head, drawing back quickly when he feels conditioned, supple hair. He seems to have shrunk… or de-aged. He is in girls' Slytherin robes.

Hermione. She looks around and sees she is still in Gryffindor robes… but _boys'_. She shakes her head and almost screams when she sees her hair is not only shorter but red.

Draco. He looks down in disgust that he is wearing Gryffindor robes. Has he been gender swapped? And why is his hair so much longer? And not silky white?

Luna. She has grown. And changed genders. She is in Slytherin robes, absently wondering about her fellow Ravenclaws. Her hair is cut. And oily.

Dumbledore appears just then, with a worried Molly and an evil-looking Lucius. Pomfrey waves her wand, unlocking the holds on all her patients. As Molly makes her way to Ron, Harry runs up for a hug. As Lucius bolts for Draco, Hermione turns a ghastly white. Holding Harry as well, she reaches for Ron. Hermione is held for the longest. Lucius bears down with a death grip onto Draco's shoulder, causing the boy to wince. Lucius seethes at this and Hermione marches up to him.

"What do you want?" Lucius sneers at the girl. "You filthy"

"Don't you dare fucking call me a mudblood, Lucius." She fumes at the man. "Let him go, you bloody coward."

"'Mione!" Draco gapes.

Harry runs to her side. Ron is incredibly confused and backs into Snape. Snape smiles down excitedly and Lucius stills. Hermione turns to see what is so impossi… Everyone stares at Snape, bewildered by the mere fact he can grin. Pansy scowls.

"So he can smile." She groans, messing up her hair. "Get the hell over it."

Cedric swats her hand and saunters over with an attitude. "Like hell you just messed with those beautiful locks. It takes me _forever_ to set it in just right." He turns to Draco with adoring eyes. "Now, let's see _yours_ , baby."

Draco backs away as Hermione glares at Cedric, causing the boy to stop with a start. Molly and Lucius walk out. Dumbledore pats each of their heads, stating their names. Cedric is fronting. "Pansy." Harry rubs the back of his neck. "Ron." Ron stares at Pansy. "Hermione." Luna is gaping at 'Ron'. "Cedric." Pansy is scowling. "Severus." Draco is staring back at the door. "Harry." Snape is grinning like a fool. "Luna." Hermione is silently fuming. "Draco."

Everyone watches as Dumbledore divdes them up. Cedric moves to the Ravenclaw side, while Pansy moves to the Hugglepuffs. Severus, Luna and Harry move over to the Slytherins. Ron, Hermione and Draco are on the Gryffindor side.

"I'll get started on the anecdote immediately. Until then, act like who you look like. No need to draw anymore attention to this… incident."

 **Well, that was confusing! I hope everyone kept up!**


End file.
